Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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