I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
