When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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