you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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