I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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