And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
