Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
