i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
