Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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