So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
