He is an equal opportunity slut.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
