Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
50% drunk capacity currently
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
