I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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