Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
