Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
