I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
