I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
