I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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