Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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