i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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