I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
