Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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