Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
whose parrot is this?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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