i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
