The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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