My sheets look like a crime scene.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
