And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
