I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
