I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
