weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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