porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
