I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
