I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
