Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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