you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
