The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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