I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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