I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
