On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
