I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
