Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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