I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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