I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
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Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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