I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
