I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
