My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
