I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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