so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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