you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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