found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
