Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
