You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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