butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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