Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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