how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
