she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just made my gag reflex go away.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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