I wannas sexs uuuuu
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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