He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
