i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
thus making me awesome and them whores
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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