i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Your dad touched me again.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
