don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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