the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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