That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there's paper in my vomit.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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