You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
