she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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