Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
