I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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