Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
