I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize