how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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