i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
