Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
a search helicopter?!
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
