I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
