Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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