dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
