And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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