saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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