my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
