Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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