i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
