I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
