Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
