Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
