So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My ass is underappreciated
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
