don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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