Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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