On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I puked a lego.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
